These two. Ahhhh. I have to share something. I was thinking about how scattered and unprepared I was before giving birth. I actually cried before I left for the hospital because I was so distraught by the condition of my house. Like a bomb went off. A bomb of boxes and unorganized piles of stuff. Baby clothes and blankets unwashed, and still in tubs. The crib was in seven pieces awaiting a final coat of paint. It was a mess, I was a mess. I didn't feel ready. And also, I was wondering the same thing I have wondered before EACH baby was born. Would I have enough love, enough patience, would my heart be big enough for this new little spirit that was coming so so soon?
Gosh it's amazing how it happens. I know the timing is different for everyone, but I was in the hospital bed all night pondering those questions (and wishing some reality show was working around the clock to prepare my house). The second I caught my first glimpse, the moment the nurses handed Roman to me...it's cliche, and it transcends any organization of words that I could put together. My heart doubled, tripled, whatever it had to do, it did. There was room. A lot of room. I was an idiot for doubting. I don't think it would bother me to hear all the scientific or hormonal reasons I felt that way, it wouldn't change the glorious feeling. Motherhood for me is this process that, if I let it, shrinks selfishness and enlarges the charitable parts of my heart. Divine I tell you.