Thursday, April 30, 2009

Melts my Heart



These two. Ahhhh. I have to share something. I was thinking about how scattered and unprepared I was before giving birth. I actually cried before I left for the hospital because I was so distraught by the condition of my house. Like a bomb went off. A bomb of boxes and unorganized piles of stuff. Baby clothes and blankets unwashed, and still in tubs. The crib was in seven pieces awaiting a final coat of paint. It was a mess, I was a mess. I didn't feel ready. And also, I was wondering the same thing I have wondered before EACH baby was born. Would I have enough love, enough patience, would my heart be big enough for this new little spirit that was coming so so soon?
***
Gosh it's amazing how it happens. I know the timing is different for everyone, but I was in the hospital bed all night pondering those questions (and wishing some reality show was working around the clock to prepare my house). The second I caught my first glimpse, the moment the nurses handed Roman to me...it's cliche, and it transcends any organization of words that I could put together. My heart doubled, tripled, whatever it had to do, it did. There was room. A lot of room. I was an idiot for doubting. I don't think it would bother me to hear all the scientific or hormonal reasons I felt that way, it wouldn't change the glorious feeling. Motherhood for me is this process that, if I let it, shrinks selfishness and enlarges the charitable parts of my heart. Divine I tell you.

11 comments:

Jill Revell said...

Tara! He is so precious! Look at him holding up his head already. You have the cutest little family.

Isaura said...

ohh he's so tiny and precious. what great memories for you and your family.

Christy said...

oh wow, i LOVE those pictures. what a handsome little man. it was good to read your post-- i am struggling with the same feelings these days so thanks for the reassurance!

~The Stevens Family~ said...

Oh, Tara, he is sooo cute and precious!

Dave and Julie said...

He is so cute and you are an incredible photographer. How fun.

Court and Britt said...

SOOOO cute!! I would LOVE to see you and your new little man before we leave town. The kids and I are here in KC for 3 more weeks. Maybe we can get together for a play date before we go:)

missy said...

So, so gorgeous. You guys make a little mold for your babies don't you? He looks just like your other two. Such a beautiful combination too.

What lens are you using Tara? Your pictures are stunning.

Ryan & Tiffany said...

Congratulations Tara! He is adorable! You are such a cute mom, and you have a darling family. Those pictures are amazing. I am so glad you are back "home." I would love to get together sometime. I know you are a little "busy" right now. :) Where are you living now? So glad to have you back! And good luck with the nighttime sleeping. I feel exhausted just thinkging about it. But I miss that new baby miracle too. :)

Alicia said...

You always take such cute picturs. I want your camera. Congradulations. I am amazed at how adorable Roman is at such a young age.

kat and jason said...

so many cute pictures... you always know how to cheer a gal up.. so how is 3 going?? any advice to an upcoming mommie of 3? you seem to always have it together. we'll have to chat soon!! i miss our weekly chats. i know life has been crazy.

Ryan & Tiffany said...

You are close! Are you up for visitors? If so, we would love to stop by sometime. Can we bring you dinner?