Melts my Heart

These two. Ahhhh. I have to share something. I was thinking about how scattered and unprepared I was before giving birth. I actually cried before I left for the hospital because I was so distraught by the condition of my house. Like a bomb went off. A bomb of boxes and unorganized piles of stuff. Baby clothes and blankets unwashed, and still in tubs. The crib was in seven pieces awaiting a final coat of paint. It was a mess, I was a mess. I didn't feel ready. And also, I was wondering the same thing I have wondered before EACH baby was born. Would I have enough love, enough patience, would my heart be big enough for this new little spirit that was coming so so soon?

***

Gosh it's amazing how it happens. I know the timing is different for everyone, but I was in the hospital bed all night pondering those questions (and wishing some reality show was working around the clock to prepare my house). The second I caught my first glimpse, the moment the nurses handed Roman to me...it's cliche, and it transcends any organization of words that I could put together. My heart doubled, tripled, whatever it had to do, it did. There was room. A lot of room. I was an idiot for doubting. I don't think it would bother me to hear all the scientific or hormonal reasons I felt that way, it wouldn't change the glorious feeling. Motherhood for me is this process that, if I let it, shrinks selfishness and enlarges the charitable parts of my heart. Divine I tell you.

Cheeseballs...

Also, I've forgotten what it feels like to sleep more than 2 hours at a time. (my dreams certainly reflect that) But there is so much cuddling and so many sweet baby smells that I'll overlook my delirious and deprived state.

Lovely Lily

I sat on the porch next to a growing pile of dandelions, and watched with awe my magnificent little girl. She was captivated by the dandelions. She couldn't believe all the 'flowers' growing in our yard! They were yellow and they matched her shirt she said. I noted her wispy hair blowing in the wind, her barefoot toes painted pink...but mostly I loved her enthusiasm for the weeds. I thought, "If only I could love the weeds in my life, if I could see their purpose, like Lily." And then I remembered that after a few days, the dandelions would turn white, and the thought of introducing my little girl to the joy of blowing the seeds into the wind put a big smile on my face and in my heart.

7 days or 168 hours old

Roman my dear, you were 21 days ahead of schedule. Perhaps you just like to be punctual as you arrived on the first day the doctors could call you full term. And though all babies are essentially born the same way, there are some highlights that made your debut quite memorable.

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When labor began, your father was an hour away. The only person that was answering a phone was Daddy's unsuspecting, 20 year old cousin who most definitely showed up at our door with frightened face, weary of what he would find (and surely unskilled in the art of transporting a laboring woman). Luckily your auntie called and sure enough, one extremely pregnant lady accompanied another extremely pregnant lady to the hospital. We chuckled to think what the admitting woman thought as we both waddled toward her desk.

**

Also, did I mention that the doctor wasn't exactly the one who delivered you? It was a nurse. A young NEW nurse...and it was her birthday too. I don't want to be too dramatic, but while I was panting as instructed (so as not to push) the nurse ordered grandma to run out into the hallway and call for help after Daddy hitting that little call button elicited no quick response. Roman, you actually slid your way into this world. No additional help from me! The doctor did however arrive in time to deliver the placenta, which has me hoping we qualify for some sort of discount.

**

Really, it goes without saying that your brother and sister are ecstatic about having you around. Upon seeing you, they decided that you would be "Donatello" of Ninja Turtle fame (Zach is Leonardo and Lily is Raphael). Lily has to know where you are at at all times. And if we are getting ready to go somewhere they ask, "Is Baby Roman coming?" Zach is still a little miffed that your middle name is not Allison, but as he gets a bit older, I think he'll understand, and I know you'll thank me.

**

In all seriousness, you are a strong little spirit. I just sense it, and I could before you were born. Which is why I was so certain about your name. I know it will represent you well. It's funny how meeting you seemed so natural. "Of course this is Roman" I thought in those first precious moments spent gazing at your little face.

Family of five

Roman James Painter

Born Thursday April 9th

6lbs 9oz

18 3/4" long

Positively Perfect

(details to come)

New Place...More Space

These two checking out their new romping ground. If I could only convince them that the woods are not exciting!

This baby wants out. I want him to stay put for at least another week or so.

Unpacking is soooo slow. I'm too big, David is too busy. There are too many other fun things to do.

In my hormonal delirium, I decided to overhaul the nursery furniture. In explanation (and hoping he'd get on board), I actually told my husband that I felt like I needed to sacrifice a little for the new baby. He's number 3, I wanted him to feel that we had done and made special things for him. The project was larger than I imagined. Let it be known, I have sacrificed for baby Roman.

Which by the way, will be his name. Still working on the middle one.