Bitter and Sweet

The following story most certainly does not paint the prettiest picture of me, or my mothering skills. But I'd like to record it, because it has made such an impact. It's been a little rough around here the past month or so. So many things. To give myself credit, sometimes, I feel blessed with the patience of a saint. Maybe it is from my years of teaching...no matter your anger, you just CAN'T get mad...you find ways to deal. Throw things, break things, hurt your sibling, scream in public and I will calmly address the situation. Which is why it is always so disappointing that the times I truly loose my cool, it is usually about something minor. It's just me...my own stresses that betray me. And it was one of those days a few weeks ago. To be perfectly honest, I can't even remember the infraction, it was so insignificant. But I found myself yelling at Zachary. Mean mom face...shouting...threatening words...squeezing his arm... menacing. When I take myself back to that place, I recognise I just FELT out of control. And then it happened. Zach looked up at me with the saddest expression, and as calmly as he could he said, "Mom, please don't talk to me like that." pause. ton of bricks. I heard the Lord's voice. No really, I can't adequately describe the feeling that what Zach said was actually a message from the Lord. I quickly apologized and sent him from the room. I sat on my bed to cry. I felt the full weight of my responsibility, and sometimes failure, as a mother. And almost as instantly as I had been rebuked, a peaceful feeling came over me. Words fail. But I was taught again about my Heavenly Father's love for me individually. I felt his approval of my offerings as a mother, and His patience with my shortcomings. Because of His Son, I can try over and over again. It was a whirlwind of emotion, but in the end I felt hopeful, encouraged and loved. Just a little lesson for the day from my Heavenly Parent. The kind of lesson that I too, hope to pass on to my little charges.